Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
