Umm I'm too high to move.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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