and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Green mimosas i think yes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Randomize
