I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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