WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
