She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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