I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
