the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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