i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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