shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
