And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
