Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize