I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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