Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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