He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up under a house in Key West
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
