but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
