that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
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Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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