Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My feet surprised me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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