Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
