i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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