____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
