You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
