you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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