I think scott just propositioned me for sex
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
