My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
