look no pants
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize