I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
