I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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