I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
