we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize