We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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