Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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