I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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