whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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