Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
