I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
