hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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