I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
