I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
