Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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