i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
