Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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