ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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