I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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