I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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