In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
