Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
