Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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