If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
