Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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