How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride