Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.