I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.