I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?