How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?