i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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