Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.