Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)