i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.