I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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