We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
