they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
