I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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