Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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