I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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