I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
