im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
