Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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