I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my phone needs a breathalizer
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think your dad took our porno
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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