the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
