And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
