i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
