I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I need a beard to bite.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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