i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
