I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
