I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
