sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
