I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
