I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
