I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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