i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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