Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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