Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My life is pants optional.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
