So drunk its hurt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
