they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
