you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
