she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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