Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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