She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
