there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
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He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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