I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
