Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
