After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
