I hate all girls vehemently.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
that's an acceptable place to lick
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
