I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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