Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
