i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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