I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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